I've been delivery driving for Walmart. No shit. If you hadn't heard, I quit my sixth grade art teaching job in March due to a returning medical issue (that's worthy of it's own post). Maybe the most painful thing I've experienced. Twice.

Anyhoo, I needed to figure out a way to make money quickly, but with flexibility. DoorDash happened for a few weeks, but the smells pervaded every fabric in my car, and I was constantly tempted (and gave into) eating the same crap as I was delivering. So DoorDash was dashed. 

That left Walmart's Spark Delivery. No way in hell would I Uber or Lyft. I have enough problems with social anxiety these days, so strangers in my car? NOT. So Walmart. Almost as bad as Amazon. Almost as impossible to avoid. Desperate times. Turns out, I can make about $125 in 5 hours. Not bad. And I'm getting familiar with my new part of the metro, the Northland. But WOW, the things I've seen.

I try not to look into the white plastic bags, although sometimes it's unavoidable. The things people EAT in this country, my fucking GOD. I would say that 90% of what I deliver straight to their doors is not real food. And 9/10 deliveries include bottled water...

PEOPLE. Stop buying bottled water. PLEASE. Use the damn tap water. Get a filter. You are destroying my planet. Get drink mixes. Just adjust. Be an example for your kids, the ones who will have to solve this crisis or perish. I'm begging you, please stop. Purified my ASS. I'm not into conspiracy theories, but bottled water could well a be a scam.

I've been taking notes on my phone of bizarre observations as I drive around the Northland. 
Here are a few. To be continued.

Super steep broken concrete steps

Warning dog signs 

Actual pittbulls roaming around

Busted bags of strewn trash 

Cars parked at weird angles

Lots of Mary statues

Subtropolis. People work down here among the pillars! 15 mph headlights on. Fraggles and Doozers? Driving through an iceberg

On the moon on Cement Rd

Lots of shut-ins

Why do people buy bottled water?

Chipotle is popular 

I can’t stand still waiting for the fast food. I’m sliding around on the greasy tiles

So many apartment complexes my GOD

Huge pasty dude in gray wife beater. I brought ‘food’ to porch and he carried in. There was no real food. Oh, some meat. 3 huge boxes of ramen, monster energy drinks and Mountain Dew, 2 family size lasagnas, tons of chips and cereal. I could go on.

Shop in the store for your own damn shit, please. A real order I shopped for and delivered:


Bath salt

Welcome mat!

Sun screen

Cold brew


Frito lay snack sizes box

Seeing the same roadkill over and over and over twisted deer bodies in the shoulders of the highway; headless deer

Kellogg’s factory cereal spill. Little mounds of Captain Crunch everywhere in the road!

Geese and goslings crossing stopped traffic

I hate white men in trucks